Death Note Spoofing
by phantom130 5
Summary: You're traveling through another dimension; a dimension not only of Death Note characters and reading but of stupidity; a journey into a juvenile land whose boundaries are that of a FanFiction. That's a signpost up ahead: your next stop: the Spoofing Zone! Cover made by Kids-Sexy-ReaperBody on Deviantart. *Next update coming July 13*
1. Rebirth

**Chapter 1: Rebirth**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note or anything else that I may make reference to throughout this story. **

You're traveling through another dimension; a dimension not only of Death Note characters and reading but of stupidity; a journey into a juvenile land whose boundaries are that of a FanFiction. That's a signpost up ahead: your next stop: the Spoofing Zone!

It was a boring day at whatever school Light goes to. The teacher droned on about some boring subject that really didn't seem to matter much to the boy with long brown hair.

He drowned out the teacher's dull voice with the much more ear pleasing vocals of Maximum The Hormone on his IPod as he practiced writing a single name over and over again on a piece of line paper.

_Light Yagami_

'No, that's not right; the name needs more glamour. I know I'll add a star to the end of it!'

_Light Yagami*_

'No still not quite… I'll try underlining it."

_Light Yagami*_

'Now that looks…' The boy, also known as Light Yagami's thoughts were immediately put to a stop when he felt someone tapping on his back. The boy slid his chair around to see his teacher standing behind him.

The teacher had a stern look on his face as he adjusted his glasses and said, "Mr. Yagami, what are you doing that is so important that you won't even pay attention?"

Light smiled a wide toothy smile, "I was hoping you'd ask! I was actually just practicing for my future career!"

"Which is?"

"Ok sir, hear me out! This will blow your mind! I want to be the very first professional earth worm… with vacation time!" Light announced catching the teacher by surprise.

"You want to be a what? Is this some new sort of hipster thing?"

"No sir, just hear me out! I've been practicing really hard!" Light motioned for the teacher to move away.

Then Light leapt out of his chair, found an area on the floor free from people and just began squirming inch by inch.

"See teach… Aren't I… great?" Light asked through squirms.

The teacher sighed, "Ok, I get that, but what's with the whole signing your name thing?"

"Oh that!" Light got off of the floor and held his paper up to show the class, "Well if I'm going to become the first professional earth worm with vacation time I figure a lot of people will want my autograph so I need to be really good at that too!"

"Oh I see…" The teacher said. He didn't really seem very pleased by Light's announcement. The man absentmindedly tapped his chin. He seemed to be debating whether to say something or simply bite his tongue. Finally he added, "Light, normally I'd say you're a fool for trying this… But that red tie you often wear really makes you look smart, so I say go for it! Class, I hope you can all support Mr. Yagami on his dream to become a professional earthworm!"

"With vacation time," Light added.

Light didn't take the bus home from school. Instead he took the long way home by worming across the paved roads of Kanto that were on the way to his house.

Many drivers were annoyed by Light's worming. At first they'd drive behind him and honk their horns and try to make him stand up and walk normally. But by now, they just knew to stay out of Light's way.

It was around that time that he noticed something on the ground. It was a little black book. Light picked it up and read the title out loud.

"Death Note… wasn't that the title of some anime?" Then he sighed, "It's a shame I don't speak English or else I'd totally know what 'Death Note' meant."

Then an interesting thought crossed the boy's mind. He needed a note book for practicing drawing out his autographs. Maybe he could use this book as his autograph book! (And this is the part in the chapter when just about anyone who has seen Death Note knows where this "brilliant" idea is going to go)

As soon as Light arrived home from a six hour squirm he sat down on his bed to take a closer look at his book. Although he wanted to, some reason part of him refused to put it down.

He flipped through the pages and read the rules out loud, "The human whose name is written in this note shall die. This note will not take effect unless the writer has the person's face in their mind when writing his/her name. Therefore, people sharing the same name will not be affected. If the cause of death is written within the next 40 seconds of writing the person's name, it will happen. If the cause of death is not specified, the person will simply die of a heart attack. After writing the cause of death, details of the death should be written in the next 6 minutes and 40 seconds."

He paused to take a breather. That was the most reading he'd done in a while. He wondered if earth worms had to read this much. Somehow he didn't think so. Light took some more time to reflect over his newfound knowledge before coming to one of his more intelligent conclusions.

"I think this book kills people!" Light stated, without even trying to hide his fear. As he said that, he heard the sound of hands slowly clapping coming from beside him.

"Bravo," A voice called out sarcastically, "You've figured out the mystery of the Death Note."

Light turned his head to see one of the scariest things he'd ever seen standing beside him.

"Ahh, it's an Emo Shark – Rockstar thing!" Light yelled, as he jumped out of his bed and pointed a finger at the said creature, "Stay back, I have a ton of Orca whale groupies with problems far more emotional than yours!"

The man rolled his eyes, "Technically I'm a Shinigami. I mean sheesh man, at least be politically correct!"

Light shook his head, "No, you're an Emo Shark – Rockstar thing!"

"No, I'm a Shinigami, you know, like those guys in Bleach!"

"Emo Shark – Rockstar thing!"

"At least call me Ryuk."

"Emo Shark – Rockstar thing!"

"What's wrong with you? You sound like a broken record…" Ryuk said with a sigh, "Look, call me what you want. I was just going to explain to you how to use the Death Note…"

"Emo Shark – Rockstar thing!"

"Will you shut up? Look, you don't want to make a Shinigami mad!"

"Emo Shark – Rockstar thing!"

After a while of pointless arguing, Ryuk and Light finally agreed to disagree and they moved onto a different topic entirely.

"So with you being… what you are, you must have had some say in who got the Death Note. So why did you pick me?" Light asked.

"No Light, I don't choose the Death Notes owner. The Death Note chose you." Ryuk explained.

"Wow that sounds really deep!"

Ryuk laughed and then patted Light on the back, "Nah, I'm just messin' with ya! I picked you 'cuz you look smart!"

"Wow really?"

"Yeah, I think it's that tie you're wearing. The fact that you know how to tie a tie says a lot about your character! Did you know only sixty-seven percent of the world knows how to tie one? The fact that you're among that sixty-seven amazes me!"

Light smiled and proudly stated, "Thanks, it's a clip on!"

"So... you... can't tie a tie?" Ryuk asked, part of him wishing it were possible to take back what he just heard.

"No, can you teach me?" Light asked, looking up to Ryuk with puppy dog eyes.

Ryuk sighed, "No, I can't tie one either... My hands are too big..."

Light and Ryuk spent more of the afternoon talking about a number of things that aren't exactly story worthy or are just too stupid to bother mentioning.

Light told Ryuk about his dream to become a professional earthworm with vacation time, and Ryuk told Light he wanted to try every kind of apple. Both boys wanted to meet someone who could actually tie a tie.

It was around that time that Light did something with Ryuk that he wanted to do from the moment he laid eyes on him. He challenged Ryuk to a staring contest.

Light made himself comfortable on the bed and Ryuk grabbed a nearby chair. The two faced each other and stared.

Don't blink... Mustn't blink...

It was an awkward seven seconds as Light noticed that he could see his whole face clearly reflected in Ryuk's right eye alone.

Light began to wonder, do Shinigami blink at all? He imagined the satisfactory that came with winning. He would be the first human to singlehandedly beat a God of Death... even if it was only in a silly kids' game.

Ryuk looked into Light's eyes with a sort of hunger in his expression, but unlike Light's thirst for winning, Ryuk craved something else. As he looked at Light he pictured Light's head becoming a nice juicy red apple.

It took Ryuk a while to even notice when Light jumped up off his bed and pointed his finger accusingly at the Shinigami.

"YOU BLINKED, I SAW YOU!"

Snapping back to reality, Ryuk nodded, "Yup, you beat me..."

It was around that moment that Light's bedroom was flooded with the incredible musical talent of Weird Al Yankovic's song Polka Face.

The sound was coming from outside of Light's bedroom, but it was so loud that it could clearly be heard throughout the house.

"What is that?" Ryuk asked.

Light buried his face in his hands, "My mom is obsessed with Weird Al, but she only blasts his music this loudly when she's making dinner..." Suddenly Light's expression became much more alert and he added, "You need to get out of here! Any moment my dad will barge into my room and if he sees you..." Light cut himself off not wanting to say anymore.

"And if he sees me..." Ryuk prompted hoping for the boy to go on.

Light shuddered before replying, "If he sees you he might... he might... want to invite you to stay over for dinner!"

Ryuk laughed, "That doesn't sound that bad."

"Believe me it is!" Light persuaded, "My mom is always making really cheesy jokes that only she understands, my dad always talks in slang and tries to 'get down with his boy'. I mean who talks like that?"

"Wow that does sound bad!" Ryuk said.

"That's not even the worst part! My sister Sayu is always trying to get involved in my love life! Even if I don't have a girl over she'll start interrogating my friends and push them into revealing whatever they know! I mean I don't even have time to think about dating right now! I must become an earth worm first!"

"Yo werd up Light, dinner iz ready! Come downstairs ta git it!" Light's dad called from the kitchen.

Light and Ryuk could clearly hear his parent's conversation, "What did the cannibal order for take-out?" Light's mom asked her husband.

"What did da cannibal order fo' take-out? Ah don' know, what? Word, this joke is wack!" Light's dad replied.

"Pizza with everyone on it," She explained and the two broke down into laughter at the bad joke.

"See what I mean?" Light asked and Ryuk nodded.

"Don't worry though, only you can see me because you own the Death Note." Ryuk explained.

"Oh, that's good then." Light replied with a satisfactory smile.

Then the two heard someone else calling. It was Sayu's voice this time, "Light, who are you talking to? Do you have a girl in the house with you? Do you have a _girlfriend_?" Sayu called.

"No it's just me!" Light called back.

Sayu swung open the door and much to her disappointment it really did look like Light was alone. She didn't even see Ryuk making funny faces at her as she walked away.

Dinner had passed and now Light sat on his chair, his brown eyes staring right onto a random page of the alleged Death Note. The look on his face was much like a writer wanting to jot something down, but the words were not coming.

"Are you going to write something or not?" Ryuk asked. He was lying on Light's bed looking as bored as ever.

"Yeah… I'm just not sure… Who should I kill? There isn't really anyone I hate… but criminals… I really hate criminals!"

"Just pick someone at random. You can't go wrong."

Light smiled and began to raise his pen to write, "Goodbye L Lawliet!"

"NO!" Ryuk called out, instantly stopping Light from writing the name, "You can't kill L! He's amazing! What would the fangirls think? Besides, he's very important to the plot of this series!"

Light sighed in frustration, "Then who do _you _recommend I kill?"

"Look, why don't you just kill off criminals? You can't go wrong with that."

Light thought for a moment. He thought about an earth worm. What would the earth worm do? Somehow the earth worm reminded him of Superman. So he asked himself, what would superman do?

Light was sure that if Superman had a Death Note he would use it to kill bad guys in a heartbeat.

"I'll do it!" Light stated triumphantly.

Ryuk clapped his hands, "Awesome!"

Light happily held up the book. Now he had a new passion other than earth worming. He was going to kill criminals and become God of the new world!

Ryuk stood up and plucked the book from Light's hands, "There's just one thing I need you to do to make you an official owner of the Death Note."

"What's that?" Light asked.

Ryuk held the book open to a page that Light hadn't noticed before. The page had the words 'This book belongs to' and then there was a line to put your name.

Ryuk handed Light the book and a pen, "Just sign here and the Death Note is yours to keep."

Light took the pen to quickly scribble down his name.

"Don't forget to sign with your full first and last name." Ryuk warned, "If you don't then the ownership won't be official!"

'_Light Yagami' _

"Ok, I signed it; now what?"

"Just wait." Ryuk said. He seemed to be trying hard to keep from bursting out in laughter.

Light found that odd, but he ignored it and waited. Then twenty seconds later Light landed on the table. He was dead.

Some reason Ryuk was laughing hysterically at this sight, "They always fall for that! He's such a moron!" When Ryuk's laughter calmed down he sighed, "Well… I better revive him before the next chapter… What a pain..."

**-phantom130 5 (July 2012)**


	2. Confrontation

**Chapter 2: Confrontation**

"Yo otay bros, ah brought you here ta jive 'boutthe mysterious deaths. Criminals everywhere is dying o' heart attacks." Said Soichiro Yagami; also known as Light's father. He stood in front of a group of police officers as he told his colleagues about the newly formed Kira case. Shuichi turned to his friend Kanzo, "What's he saying?" Kanzo shrugged, "Not sure, I'm just here because I thought he said there would be doughnuts." "What did you say about doughnuts?" Kanzo asked, his mouth watering. From behind them Touta Matsuda excitedly stood up, "I heard you talking about doughnuts too!" "Ah didn't say doughnuts, ah said delinquent foo'!" Soichiro retorted. "Well how are we supposed to know that? You always talk so weird! Why can't you talk normal?" Touta yelled.

"Yo if you don' like da way ah jive then git out!" Soichiro said then he added, "Anyone else dat don' wants ta be here leave as well"

Soichiro watched as over half of the police force stood up and began to walk away.

"Come on guys we're going to Tim Hortons." Kanzo said as he began to walk out.

Soichiro sighed, "Yo peep, come back. Ah'll bring doughnuts ta da next meeting!" At this a few police officers returned.

"Will you lose your weird way of talking?!" Touta called from outside of the room.

Soichiro sighed again, "… Fine, but I'm not going to talk like this forever it just doesn't seem… natural…"

Touta and a few others cheered then the rest of the police returned to the room.

"Good, welcome back." Soichiro said, "So does anyone have any input on these new murders?"

This time a man in a trench coat stepped up and stood beside Soichiro. He kept his face open as he showed off the laptop in his hand and opened it to his desktop.

"What are you doing?" Soichiro asked.

"One sec." The man said in a low pitched, almost mysterious monotone, "I have dial up internet. It'll take a while, but there's something I want to show you."

"Ok…" Soichiro said with an eye roll as he and the others in the room listened to the annoying sound of the dial up internet signal.

"While we wait do any of you want to see pictures of my cat?" The mysterious man asked, still in his serious and low pitched tone. Soichiro was about to reply, but the mysterious man cut him off, "Oh good, it's done now!"

The man switched the computer to a webpage with the letter L on it.

"This is L." The man explained.

"L's a computer?!" Soichiro asked in shock.

"No you fool. I'm talking to you through the computer." Said the man supposedly calling himself L, "And Watari, you need faster internet! Do you know how long I was waiting to talk?"

"Sorry sir…" The mysterious man replied as he revealed his face.

"Anyways guys, I've done some research and these killings aren't just coincidental."

"So can you honestly say you believe there is a killer responsible for all this?" Soichiro asked.

"Yes, indeed I can." L replied.

"What do you think we should do?" Touta yelled out from the audience.

"We should call the killer 'Kira'." L said.

"Oh Kira, I like that name! It's a play on the English word for 'killer' isn't it?" Soichiro asked.

"… No… Kira is my ex-girlfriend…. The only thing she's responsible for killing is my heart!" L replied.

Watari smiled, "Aww that's so sweet! She'll be so flattered that you went far enough to nick name a dangerous serial killer after her!"

"… Thank you Watari." L said sarcastically, "If you'd like I'll be more than happy to name the next mass murderer after you."

"I'd love for that." Watari replied not catching the sarcasm, his smile beginning to grow.

Soichiro rolled his eyes, "That's all nice and all, but I meant what are we going to do to stop Kira?"

"I'm glad you asked that. Well first…" L didn't finish his sentence. The screen stayed on the L logo, but L didn't say another word.

"What's going on? Is L dead? Did Kira get to him?" Soichiro asked, shooting Watari a serious look.

"I… I don't know…" Watari confessed.

He went to his computer and tried to jiggle the mouse. The screen didn't move.

"That explains it… My darn computer's frozen!" Watari stated bitterly.

Soichiro breathed out a sigh of relief, "That's good... How long will it take to boot back up?"

"Not sure…" Watari said with a sigh. "But after this chapter is over with I'm getting a new computer."

~ phantom130 5 (April 2013)


	3. Unraveling

**Chapter 3: Unraveling**

**Special thanks to: sakurablossom22 and all the reviewers!**

**Happy belated birthday BlOo KiSsEs! I tried to get this chapter out as soon as possible for you! :)**

Watari, Soichiro Yagami, Touta Matsuda, Shuichi Aizawa, Kanzo Mogi, Hideki Ide, and Hirokazu Ukita stood together, tightly packed, waiting in an uncomfortably small elevator. You may ask what turn of events led to this uncomfortable situation. Was the group trying to answer some sort of really strange riddle? _How many Japanese police officers can fit on an elevator?_ Well let's just say Watari got sick of waiting for the old computer to work so Watari decided to push his plan ahead a bit, to where the task force meets L. Unfortunately, L doesn't know about the surprise visit.

Soichiro looked at his watch. "Yo, would you peep at da tyme? It's almost tyme ta pick muh son up from skoo just like mammy. Will da elevator move any faster?"

"Oh, you have a kid?" Watari asked curiously.

"Yeah, he's working on uh degree in earf worming. Ya' know what I'm sayin'?" Soichiro explained.

"Earth worming?" A confused Matsuda repeated.

"Yeah, iz somethin` wrong wif it?" Soichiro asked.

"Earth worming is a very promising job." Watari added. "You wouldn't guess it, but my grand-son is also going to college for the very same job."

"Yo but muh son iz supposed ta be da very first professional earf worm wif vacation tyme! You know das right!" Soichiro exclaimed. "Yo ah'm going ta werds him an' tell him dat he has competition!"

"Werds him?" Watari repeated, now confused with Matsuda.

"He's going to text his son and tell him about Watari's son." Mogi explained with an eye roll.

"Text?" Watari repeated still confused.

Soichiro pulled out his phone and began typing to his son. In a matter of seconds Soichiro looked back up at Watari. "Yo Light wants ta know what yo' grandson's name iz."

Watari smiled. "My grandson's name is Kichiro Yoshiro!"

"Yo Light says he ganked yo' grandson. Ya' know what I'm sayin'?" Soichiro explained. "He's such uh nice son."

"Ganked?" Watari asked.

"I think that means your grandson was killed." Mogi explained in a matter of fact tone.

"Oh ..." Was all Watari could say.

The elevator opened and the Death Note cast members stepped off. They walked over and into the apartment just as L was brushing his hair in a mirror by the apartment door. He made his hair all spiky in the back and muttered the words, "I'm Sasuke Uchiha." He threw a white towel around half of his head and said, "Now I'm Ulquiorra Schiffer!"

L liked impersonating iconic emo anime characters, but most of the time he liked being himself best. Watari and the others entered L's apartment just as L was measuring how long his tongue was for his Orochimaru impression. In that quick instant L returned his tongue to his mouth and crossed his arms.

"It's about time Watari. I was waiting hours for your computer to reconnect!" L said angrily.

"Sorry about that sir." Watari said.

"There are so many swears that I'd like to call you right now, but since this story is rated K+, I had to make up my own swears! So you my friend are a big sugar free cheesecake!"

Watari frowned, but didn't say anything. Instead, Matsuda walked closer. When he could clearly see L's face, his face lit up as well.

"I know you! You're L; the same L that sponsors Sesame Street time to time!" Matsuda exclaimed.

L nodded. "That's correct. I have a soft spot for kids and love children's programming."

"Yeah, me too!" Matsuda exclaimed.

"By the way, who are you?" L asked.

"They're members of the Kira Task Force." Watari explained. "I thought we should speed this series up a bit. Even though Kira's only been around for three chapters of this FanFiction so far, it feels like we haven't made any progress for a little over nine months. While part of the blame is on phantom130 5 for having such a slow updating schedule, I feel as though we share some blame as well."

L nodded. "Seems fair enough.

"Yo iz it aight if ah invite muh son in on our meetings?" Soichiro asked.

L shrugged. "Not sure. This meeting should really be kept a secret."

"Yo muh son has uh deaf note. If we's find Kira he can use it ta kill him." Soichiro pointed out.

"He has a death note? I'm suspicious of him being Kira, but sure he can join!" L said with a smile. "Of course if he really is Kira, then none of you are allowed to tell him your real names. From this point on, all our names will be Strawberry, except you Mr. Yagami, since he's your son; you're basically screwed if he tries to kill you."

Soichiro frowned, but nodded. "Yo ah dig'. Ah'm going ta try ta prove ta you dat muh son wif da deaf note ain't Kira; jus' like that dog."

"I'm looking forward to it. This shall be interesting." L said with a smile.

**~ phantom130 5 (April 2013)**


End file.
